I am Mom.

moved

2010-05-23T08:18:00.000-07:00

I have moved this blog to another site. If you'd like the address, e-mail me. caseyhaas2 at gmail dot com.

:-)

good bye for now blogger.

Attached

2010-05-22T11:57:00.001-07:00

"Attachment is as central to the developing child as eating and breathing."-- Robert Shaw, M.D.

Privacy

2010-05-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

I am going to make this blog private soon, for invited readers only. If you would like to be a reader, you can request to be. I will invite people who I know read it already by their comments.

x0x0

Goodnight.

I'm a bad blogger

2010-05-17T21:08:00.001-07:00

I have so many things on my mind and heart that I'd love to share, but I am not good about coming here and writing. I want to do better, for the sake of remembering the precious moments I have with my kids.

I found an amazing website that has greatly encouraged me. http://www.gentlechristianmothers.com/

In my skin

2010-04-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

So generally I am comfortable in my skin. Yes, having and feeding babies has changed my body. Duh. But there is something great about that, in a way. My body has grown 2 humans and has been pretty much the sole source of nutrition for one of those humans.

But you know what?

It is really hard for me to be ok with my body when I go to the pool and other moms have boob jobs and tummy tucks and no stretch marks.

Blah!

something my kids are going to find so annoying some day

2010-04-22T21:09:00.000-07:00

I laugh at all my own jokes. Like seriously. I think I'm hilarious. :-)

BoBB

2010-04-04T21:36:00.001-07:00

I re-watched The Business of Being Born tonight. Danny wanted to play xbox so I had the Netflix on demand to myself; and someone on facebook had just mentioned watching it.

I loved it again, of course. I did see it through new eyes now that I've had an amazing homebirth experience.

One thing that stood out to me both times: This male OB says (I'm paraphrasing) "I call it feminine machoism. You see a woman with a 3 month old baby and she says 'oh, I did it natural'. I just don't see the point."

Of course you don't, you're a MAN. duh.

I think my favorite guy in the film is Dr. Marsden Wagner, an MD who is the former director of women's and children's health in industrialized countries for the WHO. I love LOVE doctors who are so obviously committed to doing what is best for the patients that they are willing to speak hard truths about the system they are a part of.

Forget the facts about maternity care in America, there really are just so many snippets of wisdom about normal birth in there from the people who contributed.

Modesty

2010-03-27T11:57:00.000-07:00

This blog article kind of makes you think.

I joined a fan page on Facebook called "Historic Photos and Prints of Breastfeeding". It really is remarkable that 100 years ago women were overtly modest in every day settings. Long dresses, high necklines, etc. But breastfeeding was no big deal, because that is how all babies ate.

Now, females dress provocatively comparatively speaking. Low cut tops and short skirts are not even worth a second glance because it's just what everyone wears.

But we have to have LAWS to protect a women's right to FEED her BABY in public.

A celebrity doing this is awesome, while this is disgusting.

I was just thinking about all this because I was trying to nurse Darcy at the Easter Egg Hunt at my work today with a blanket over her head. She was not so into it, and the sun was hot, so I took the blanket off and just used my shirt (and her ginormous body) to cover up whatever might be showing.

that's all.

A new role

2010-03-22T20:34:00.001-07:00

I'm an Aunt.

Really?

2010-03-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

I am way past the stage in my mothering where every thing everyone says that is retarded bothers me. I just really don't care for the most part.

So today at church my grandmama starts talking to Darcy and saying that she won't take her away from me, and then explains to the older lady next to her that sometimes she cries at her (and sometimes she smiles)

The lady said "give me one week with her and I'll have her spoiled rotten".

First of all, I'm not sure how that has anything to do with what my grandmama was saying.

Secondly, I wanted to say "Really? She gets to nurse whenever she wants, she sleeps next to or on her mother for almost all sleeping, she loves playing with her big sister and her daddy...what could you possibly have to offer her that would make her life better at this point?!"

I didn't say that of course. And I wasn't mad or anything, but I just wonder what is going through people's heads sometimes.

the downside of being a mom

2010-03-02T21:01:00.000-08:00

mommy brain. and yes, it is real. scientifically proven that babies suck your brains right out.

I had this beautiful blog written in my head about protecting the minds of my children, and how important that is to me, and now I don't remember any of it.

shucks.

so, I'll post this funny video. Warning, boobs are exposed:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SVPixogNSyQ&feature=related

not ashamed

2010-02-28T12:57:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I posted this picture on facebook. I take these pictures all the time. Pictures of me snuggling or Danny snuggling our kids in bed, pictures of our kids sleeping together in our bed (at a safe distance from one another since Darcy is still small(ish)). So it was like 2 am and I took this picture and I was like "why would I not post this?"

I guess recently I kind of have become a little less forthright about our sleeping habits. We tried to get Olive in her own bed before Darcy came. But we did not try that hard. Then Olive had a huge sleep regression after Darcy was first born due to the gigantic transformative time that is having a new sibling.

As I've watched Olive at night, and experienced sleeping in the same bed with her, it has become clear to me that she will probably not be ok out of mommy and daddy's bed until she has another person to sleep with. She is the snuggliest snuggler. She thrives on touch. She will fall asleep touching one of us, even if it's just her big toe. I am finally coming to grips with it. Not that I mind her sleeping with us, but just coming to grips that we really and truly have a family bed right now. We don't just sleep with our tiny baby because it's convenient for nursing, we sleep with our toddler too. And we're both ok with that. I know some parents would do whatever it took to force their child to sleep alone, but I'm not convinced it would be best for her at this point in her life.

I just have been thinking lately about things that I do as a mom or that Danny and I do as parents that are not "normal", that people might not agree with, or whatever. And I don't want to be ashamed or shy about those things, and I definitely won't apologize to anyone for how we parent. Some things we do by the seat of our pants, but most of the things we do are very intentional. We've talked about it, researched, prayed, and made our decisions. We might change our minds about some things, and that's our prerogative.

So yeah, we do some things differently. But I am so happy in my mothering. I feel a lot of peace when I look at our girls, knowing that God has entrusted them into our care and that we are being intentional with in our parenting, and that we aren't doing anything that makes us feel conflicted inside.

All that being said, I don't feel like the way we do things is necessarily THE right way. It's right for us, but there are so many things that could work better for other families. I'm not threatened by someone else's different choices, because I know we are doing what is best for us.

my precious Darcy

2010-02-16T12:04:00.001-08:00

I never worried that I would be able to love subsequent children as much as I loved Olive. And rightfully so. I feel a very deep bond with Darcy, and I think it's because I have a suspicion that we are very much alike. Maybe not, but that is what I think and time will tell.

Nurture

2010-02-03T11:55:00.000-08:00

half a year

2010-01-29T11:10:00.000-08:00

Darcy turns 6 months old tomorrow. I can hardly believe it!

When she was an infant and I was not sure I was going to enjoy/stick with breastfeeding, I thought about how far away 6 months was, and what a huge burden it was for me to be her sole source of food for so long. Funny how things change!! Now I am hesitant to give her any other food! I love her sweet breath, the softness of her skin, how she rarely spits up and how even her poop has a mild smell. All thanks to breastmilk! But alas, I will start her on solids. We'll probably start with bananas, avocados, pears, and other soft things appropriate for her age. I don't do purees, so whatever makes it in makes it in, and we'll keep nursing plenty often! (I think I have read that 75% of an infant's nutrition should still be breastmilk or formula at 1 year) Man, I love breastfeeding.

On the subject of food, I also want to do better with Olive's nutrition. We kind of went slack when I got pregnant with Darcy and had so many food issues, and it's not like she eats cookies and cake all day. But one thing I do want to do is make her some juice every morning that has vegetables in it. I really doubt at 2 she is going to eat much raw broccoli, but if I juice it with an apple (and just tell her it's "juice" which is a treat for her); then she'll drink it. :-) I think half the battle is just not having crap food in the house. Then we HAVE to have an apple instead of a cookie, or whatever. I would love to get her hooked on guacamole, because avocados have such good fats in them - great for brain development.

On the subject of brain development, Olive is really smart, and she has an uncanny abstract mind. She is probably going to be an artist like her dad. :) I don't just say she is smart because she is my daughter. She just is. She has really started singing too, which is so fun.

On the subject of fun, Darcy is probably 2-4 weeks from all out crawling. She can get up on all fours in a flash now. It's scary really. With Olive, we were all like "oh yeah, crawling!" and now with Darcy we are like "oh no, you are going to be completely mobile!" I had a dream last night she was walking. It's only a matter of time!

Man, I love being a mom.

I realize that most of these mom-blogs are not necessarily well-written, but I want to do better about writing here often. Because I'm going to blink and I'll be helping Olive get ready for prom and I just don't want to forget any of it.

Something new

2010-01-10T11:16:00.000-08:00

I had a new experience today. Let me give some back story.

It wasn't until I had a baby and had to feed that baby in public places that I realized you really never see women breastfeeding in public. It is very rare. Covered or not. When I was still nursing Olive, the thought of feeding her in public was a big area of anxiety for me. And when I think about it now, it's because it is just NOT something that is normal in our culture.

So when Darcy was little and nursing was still difficult to do, I did not want to nurse in public with my hooter hider, just because it was a freaking hassle. I couldn't get it to stay put, I couldn't see what I was doing, she was not old enough to latch herself on, etc.

Now she is a pro, but I have just gotten used to not having to nurse her in public because I have been in the habit of making sure she is fed before we go places.

So today we go to Margarita's and I had tried to feed her in the car earlier but she was not interested. After being there about 5 minutes Darcy got fussy. We passed her around the table and she just would not let up. I was like "screw it" I undid my bra, got her in place, lifted my shirt up and she was on. Milliseconds of exposure, if that.

I did not think I would be so affected by this, but I was. NO ONE saw ANYTHING and my baby was happy. I commented "well, would you rather listen to a baby cry while you eat or possibly see a little boob for a split second?" My sister was sitting right across from me and said "I didn't see anything, and I was watching you do it!" Danny asked why I had never done it before.

So yeah, that was that. It's not like I am going to look for opportunities to whip out my boob in public places, but it's just good to know how easy it is now that Darcy is older and how you really can't see anything, except some my stomach flab and back fat. :D

Urgh!

2010-01-05T20:53:00.001-08:00

Today was a hard day. I was not a nice mommy today. Or wife. Or friend. Or sister.

Thankful that tomorrow is a NEW day!!!

Mother of the Bride

2009-12-30T19:41:00.000-08:00

It is so easy to lose perspective. To be short-sighted enough to think that every decision we make will or break our children. Wondering if you will be nursing your college student to sleep because they never learned to "self-soothe."

I have had a bit of an epiphany. It was slow coming.

One day I will be the Mother of the Bride. And all of the issues that fill my mind for so many hours of each day will be such a memory.

I can spend my time and energy focusing on the momentary fleeting issues, or instead I can focus most of my time pouring my love, my heart, and the words of Jesus into my daughters.

Upheaval

2009-11-12T19:00:00.001-08:00

Here are my thoughts right now. I am not in the state of mind to congeal them into a cute blog post, and honestly I don't know how mothers of multiple little ones do it!

I am totally and completely overwhelmed and exhausted almost every day. Having a toddler and an infant is sheer craziness.

Darcy has decided to be an "all night nurser." I am reading "The No Cry Sleep Solution" and am going to start working with her to not depend on my boob so much in the middle of the night. She is not truly hungry every 1-2 hours, she just loves my warmth and all that stuff. There are cultures and mommies who are ok with attaching a baby to their breast every hour or even more often in the night. I can handle it to an extent, but for the most part, not so well. And it's not going to magically change without my intervention, so that's that. We are also getting a new hammock bed for her. Seriously, this girl needs help sleeping. Don't even get me started on her naps!

Olive is almost 2 and let me tell you, she is SO on target for being 2. I'm not talking about physical and mental development, I'm talking about just plain out of control craziness of being a toddler. She is still so sweet, but boy, she is also so challenging. It's got to be tough to be 2.

I feel guilty so much as a mom lately. Guilty for wishing the days away. Guilty for looking forward to when they are older and things will be easier. And then stupid for thinking it gets any easier, because I know it just changes and I get more used to the difficulties that come with being a mother of two VERY young children.

So the things that get me through my days are: Darcy's just plain adorableness, especially how much she "talks"; and Olive's moments of sweetness and smartness (she is so smart it scares me). Tonight at bedtime she got really close to my face and said "I lub you mommy". Stuff like that melts away some of the hardness of the day. Oh, and Danny. Without him I would probably have to be institutionalized. He is most definitely the biggest support I have day in and day out. I lub him.

snapshot

2009-10-24T11:55:00.001-07:00

What's going on here?

-Darcy is an habitual catnapper. She gets through one sleep cycle (about 45 mins) and is awake until next nap time. From what I've read, since she is not a fussy and seemingly overtired baby by any means, this is not a problem at all. She is getting enough sleep, just not in long stretches during the day.

-Olive is talking in complete sentences. They are short sentences still, but definitely with a subject and predicate. :) She has things she says frequently that are my favorite phrases "Looka mommy!" when she wants me to look at something. And she calls Snow White "Snow Wipe". She is going to be Snow White for Halloween. I had a $80 Disney giftcard so the costume was essentially free.

-Darcy has gotten to be a much more efficient nurser, and she is not so into sucking for comfort unless she is wanting to go to sleep or is already half asleep like in the middle of the night, and even then not so much. So our daytime feedings take about 10-12 minutes now. That makes a big difference and I am finally starting to enjoy breastfeeding. It's pretty convenient too. A lot less hassle than bottles for the most part. I still don't like not being able to see how much she has eaten in one feeding, not because I worry (she's got the rolls to prove she is growing fine!), just because I'd like to know when she might be hungry again. :)

-Bedtimes are hard. I am struggling a lot with the end of our days. Olive takes a long time to go to sleep and it really eats into time with Danny in the evenings. Add a little milk tick into the picture and it's just a lot to handle at the end of the day when I'm so tired. But parenting doesn't stop at 8 pm, so we're trying new things and experimenting in making the whole process more smooth for all of us.

-My great-great Grandmother had 10 children. I would love to sit down with her for a chat. She was 46 when she had her last, and at that point her oldest daughter had a baby. She nursed her grandchild occasionally while her daughter was out. I think that's awesome, but I'm weird like that.

-I still love being a mom, even though it's 4000x harder than ever right now.

Let's Try again

2009-10-04T19:35:00.001-07:00

I can send blog posts via text, but since a text message can only be so long, it got all jumbled. Here is what I wrote:

I am having a hard time remembering to take this whole mom of 2 thing one day at a time. It is so different than having 1. Having 1 infant is a lot of work. Having an infant plus a toddler is quadruple the work and mental/emotional energy!

It is hard to have one baby on a volatile schedule and another one with a pretty solid routine. And even when the baby is a little older and does have a solid routine, it will be different than the older child's.

Breastfeeding is hard and a lot of work. I am glad it is going well and it is definitely not as daunting as it was even 3 weeks ago, but it is still something that is hard about being a mom. Never seeing how much your baby eats and therefore not knowing when she might be hungry again...

Olive's sleep has gone in the crapper. She still naps well but she has been waking up sooo early, sometimes as early as 5.

It's just all very tough right now.

2009-09-02T22:44:00.001-07:00

Today sucked.

Being a mother of 2

2009-08-29T20:05:00.000-07:00

1+1 does not equal 2 when it comes to kids. You don't just add one. Everything increases exponentially when you add a kid to the bunch. The best part is, love is included in that statement. It's just an overflow.

I'm pretty much out of the "crazy" time post-pregnancy, even though 6 weeks is more of a good marker for that. But I've been having lots of good days. It helps that Darcy is doing GREAT at night time and sleeping 3-3.5 blocks in the middle of the night lately so I'm feeling more rested.

Olive has adjusted so well to having a baby around. She doesn't get jealous even though I'm holding and nursing Darcy a lot. She always wants to give Darcy kisses and hugs and wants to tickle her and do all other sorts of things that newborns aren't able to enjoy yet.

I don't feel incredibly overwhelmed at the thought of having two children, but then again, I have lots of help. Danny is an engaged dad, Courtney and Cody are living here, and all around the whole family has just been willing to do whatever whenever which has been a huge blessing.

This is so rambly, but whatever. :)

Darcy's Birth Story

2009-08-22T19:44:00.000-07:00

Why a Home birth?
I began my prenatal care with Darcy’s pregnancy at a birth center. I had some issues with “white coat hypertension” meaning my blood pressure would spike when it was time for it to be taken, but was otherwise fine. I was less than pleased with how this was handled, and decided to try and find another midwife for this pregnancy.

I asked Danny to consider a home birth midwife, Kelli, whom I had researched and heard to be great. We went to a consultation and I was immediately confident that this was the direction I wanted to go in. Danny’s worries about home birth were alleviated after the consultation so we made the switch, 6 months into my pregnancy. We didn’t take the decision lightly at all, but I was and am of the attitude that I’m only going to give birth so many times in my life, and as much as it depended on me, I was going to seek the kind of care any pregnant woman deserves, whether from a midwife or a doctor. I was also going to fight to have the kind of birth I personally wanted as a low-risk pregnant woman – unhindered, allowed to listen to my body, be present mentally and physically, push in whatever position I wanted, etc.. We did not choose to make this decision to switch public beyond family and a few friends.

Amazingly enough, but not at all surprising, my white coat hypertension disappeared under Kelli’s care.

The Birth
I woke up on July 30 at 6:15 am. Not normal for me, but I was awake and feeling “off”. I had some contractions, but they were pretty far apart. Olive woke up at 6:45 or so and I made her breakfast and put her in front of the TV so I could figure out what was going on with my body. (I was induced with Olive, so I never got to experience what it was like to go into labor on my own before) The contractions were probably every 10 to 15 minutes apart at this point.

Karen came to get Olive at 8:30 to spend the morning together and I packed some extra stuff, thinking that today might be the day and Olive might be gone for longer than just the morning if I was in labor. I laid back down and my contractions spaced out to every 30 minutes apart, sometimes every 20.

At about 11 or so, Courtney and I decided to go to Panera for lunch. I had a couple contractions while we were gone, but again, they were very far apart and not regular.

On the way home from lunch, I felt like I had been hit by a truck and could think of nothing but sleep. I wanted to listen to my body, and my body was telling me to sleep, so when we got home that is exactly what I did. I took a great nap, had some contractions throughout, but rested really, really well.

Around 2:30 or so we got up and were hanging out on the couch. We were watching Ellen and at 3:30 I decided it was time to start keeping track of the contractions and timing them, because they were coming more regularly now, even if they were far apart.

I used contractionmaster.com to time them. Here is how the times went from when I started keeping track: 17 minutes apart, 10 minutes, 7 minutes, 4 minutes…they picked up fast, obviously. I paced behind the couch while we continued to watch TV and leaned over it during the contractions, doing my deep breathing. It felt SO good and right to be standing and moving and not in a bed. I told Danny to have his mom come back and get Olive, and moved to the bedroom (after answering a work e-mail from my boss ha ha!). I was in there for maybe 30 minutes and told Courtney to call the midwife. Then I moved to the tub in our 2nd bathroom.

The water felt great. It was around 5:15 and Courtney came in and said she left two messages for Kelli – one at home and one on her cell. I tried not to panic, because I knew that my labor was progressing fast. Kelli called back and said she was going to run home and change into pants and then be right over. She called back a few minutes later and said she was NOT going home and was 10 minutes away. Whew! I kept saying “she better hurry!”. My contractions were very strong and long at this point. I tried to keep my tones low as I breathed through them (which was not too hard for this alto)

When Kelli got there I knew I was in transition. My contractions were one on top of the other, seemingly lasting forever. And I was having those typical “I can’t do this” thoughts that occur during those last few centimeters of dilation.

Suddenly at the end of the contractions I was pushing. Well, my body was pushing, I was just letting it do what it wanted to do. Kelli called in to the bathroom “are you pushing?” She came in and I said “I guess I’m dilated, huh?” She said “the body doesn’t lie,” meaning it wouldn’t start moving my baby down and out if I wasn’t. I will always remember that statement. She told me to feel for my baby’s head. So I did. My water was still in tact, so it felt kind of like a water ballon.

During all this everyone else was working to get the bigger tub that Kelli brought set up. We got word it was ready so I waited to get through another contraction and then moved. I think I might have dove in, it looked so inviting because it was so big. I immediately and instinctively got on my knees and held onto the edge of the tub with my arms. I was pushing and, funnily enough, narrating what I was feeling for everyone there. “Burning burning, crowning, crowning…” My water broke mid-push and then Darcy’s head was out and Kelli checked for the cord, telling me what she was doing all along so as not to catch me off guard with her touch, since she was behind me.

I then felt a lot of movement and asked Kelli what she was doing! She wasn’t doing anything. Darcy was rotating herself to get her shoulders out. I think at that point I called my halfway born daughter a “little missy” for the discomfort her rotating was causing me. But, within seconds and one more push she was out and Kelli pushed her through the water under me and into my arms.

I played with her and floated her around in the water for about 20 minutes while Kelli took her respirations, heart rate, apgars, all that stuff. Darcy was so peaceful. The cord was not cut until the afterbirth was out (and it was not pulled out, but allowed to detach itself which took 16 minutes).

What an amazing feeling of accomplishment, awe and wonder.

I was in “hard labor” for about 2 hours. I pushed for 4 minutes (and again, I didn’t really do it, but allowed my body to take over and do it). Darcy weighed in at 8 lb 6oz (a full pound + bigger than Olive, and 1 hour 16 minutes less pushing time!) I think those times are attributed to the comfort and safety I felt throughout my labor - from my environment and the people who surrounded me.

A big lesson I learned from the whole prenatal and birth experience is to not be afraid to fight for and have the care and experience you want. Life is too short to take monumental experiences lightly, and - You deserve it. All along I knew that if things didn’t turn out the way I hoped, at least I didn’t let myself get railroaded, and I was under the care of someone who had MY best interest in mind.

I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything.

A little glimpse into my heart...

2009-07-21T20:43:00.001-07:00

I have never worried about how I would love a second (or third or fourth) child "as much" as I love Olive.

But lately I am a little worried that I won't be what Olive needs me to be when the new baby is here. I get a little scared sometimes when I look into her eyes, wondering if she is going to be ok and how we're going to make it through this transition...

Book Synopsis: Ina May's Guide to Childbirth

2009-07-17T10:36:00.002-07:00

My friend Jen gave me a good idea to do a book synopsis on this book since it impacted me so greatly and I feel so strongly that all women of childbearing age should read it. So I'm going to do that.

The book is separated into two sections.

Section I is simply a collection of birth stories told from the perspective of the mothers. Except for a few negative ones that precede more positive experiences for the same mother, all of them are positive and uplifting. Ina May puts her two cents in here and there as she recounts the births from her viewpoint.

Section II is called The Essentials of Birth. The first few chapters of the section talk about labor and birth from the perspective of the midwifery model of care compared to the medical model. The last few chapters talk about various things that happen in hospitals and how to have a positive birth experience in a hospital if that is where you are most comfortable giving birth. There are also a couple chapters devoted to cesareans and VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean)

While some of this might sound super boring to a young woman who may not be giving birth for four or five years, I cannot reiterate enough the importance of going into pregnancy and birth informed and prepared for the experience. Your prenatal care should be provided to you by someone who cares for you as an individual and your birth should be attended by someone who respects the intimacy and beauty of the process.

The two chapters that impacted me most from Section II were "The Powerful Mind/Body Connection" and "Sphincter Law".

The Powerful Mind/Body Connection talked about how our minds and our thoughts can undoubtedly affect our bodies and what happens in labor. Many doctors and scientists already believe this, even if they don't apply it to labor and birth. The "placebo effect" is widely accepted in the medical world as a very real thing: a person in a study is given a sugar pill and their symptoms disappear simply because they think they are being treated with a real pharmacological pill. So why wouldn't our fears and apprehensions about childbirth affect that process? Simply put, it does. There are also some amazing stories in this chapter.

The Spinchter Law chapter is just as incredible. You know how many people have trouble pooping when they're on a trip to an unfamiliar place? But as soon as they're home in their own bathroom they can go normally again? This is an example of sphincter law. And just like the bodily waste processes are controlled by spinchters, so are the, um, baby expulsion processes. :) Not saying that a person needs to be at home to give birth, just that the same rules apply. Comfort, calmness and relaxation = open sphinchters. Truly fascinating stuff.

My favorite quote from the whole book: "The Creator is not a careless mechanic". Ina May really seeks to encourage women that their bodies are not in fact broken.

So there is my first offical book synopsis on my mom blog. I don't have any books lined up to read, but when I do and if it's mom/parenting related, I'll write another synopsis.

Knowledge is power.

Not trying to complain, but....

2009-07-12T21:01:00.000-07:00

Things I am looking forward to about NOT being largely pregnant:

1. Being able to lay on my back. I estimate my baby is nearing 7 lbs right now, plus a placenta, plus amniotic fluid, plus the uterus itself. You just can't put 12-15 extra pounds of weight on your vena cava and not get dizzy.

2. No more heartburn.

3. No more random sciatica. Although I will say I have had NO (zero zip zilch) chronic back pain this pregnancy like I did with Olive. Thank you, Dr. Rich.

4. No thoughts of office work for 3 months.

5. Walking. Not waddling.

That's all. :)

A new read

2009-07-05T20:26:00.000-07:00

I just started reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin.

Ina May is the hippiest hippie midwife around. She's also the most famous midwife in the world, and has an actual birth maneuver for dealing with shoulder dystocia named after her.

I'm not very far into it, but the first half of the book are all birth stories from the 1970s on. Births attended by her or other midwives on The Farm, where she lives. The Farm's statistics are absolutely incredible.

I'm enjoying it immensely and definitely recommend it to anyone considering ever birthing a human being.

2009-07-01T10:51:00.001-07:00

I am ready to see Olive!! It is not the day for missed and delayed flights!!

A First

2009-06-30T20:53:00.000-07:00

Danny and I booked corresponding trips to Nashville this week. He was already booked for work, and I was able to book a last minute trip to visit my friend Leigh, and these couple days worked best. I didn't want us to both be gone from Olive at the same time, but it's just how it was going to work.

So I had been away from Olive one night before, but she was with Danny.

We decided to leave her with Courtney (&Cody) for her first time away from us both.

I am so immensely thankful for my sister and how she has kept me updated with honesty about how things have been going. She told me when Olive was being clingy or happy or sad and has sent me tons of pictures. It's really helped my state of mind. I'm not one of those people who just wants to hear that everything is fine because that is what you think I want to hear. I want to know what is really going on and she has done that for me.

I also appreciate so much how Courtney acknowledges my place as Olive's mom. I will always be eternally grateful for that. It's hard sometimes when everyone wants to be special to a baby to remember to validate the mom. But let's face it. Babies love their moms the most. :)

Olive has done great during our absence. I miss her a lot though.

It's been really strange to do all these things without her. It's been good though. I think I needed the break. Not necessarily from her, just from the daily grind. Because pretty soon, the daily grind is going to get, um, grindier.

All in all

2009-06-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

I love being a mom.

Well crap

2009-06-12T19:53:00.000-07:00

Olive is growing up. Too fast. Way too fast.

She is saying about a trillion words and some phrases (my favorites are "thank you" and "there you go").

She is so smart.

And she can kick a ball and throw a ball and sometimes even catch a ball.

She is amazing in so many ways.

The most amazing thing is that she is just so damn sweet. Yes you heard me. Damn sweet. She kisses on the lips. She makes the most incredible face when she is asking permission to do something. Her eyes light up when you figure out what she is asking for. She sings songs. She snuggles. She hugs. She says bye bye to everything when she can't play with it any more rather than pitching a fit. She waves at things you tell her not to touch. And so on and so on.

She makes my heart melt and explode all at the same time.

I'm not quite sure how to survive this growing up stuff. It's too much for me.

I can't lie. I love Dr. Mercola

2009-06-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

I'm posting this article here because it's mom-related. Dr. Mercola's commentary is especially insightful.

If you are someone who enjoys/respects a doctor's perspective over, say, a hippie midwife :-), then you should follow him on twitter, read the articles on his webiste, etc.

Hospital Births

Life with a Toddler

2009-05-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

Here is a very incomplete list of things that are different in my life now that Olive is officially a toddler.

-I rarely poop alone.
-I take baths with all sorts of toys surrounding me, as well as random bits of food.
-I tirelessly try to keep my house at least a little clean. Whereas before it would be somewhat messy and not matter to me. It's not because I'm concerned about germs. It's because with a toddler 1 day's mess = 1 month's mess of a toddlerless person.
-I think most commercials that are on TV should be illegal. Especially those for horror movies. I shouldn't have to worry about my daughter seeing that while we watch a basketball game.
-Toot & Puddle, Yo Gabba Gabba, Ni Hao Kai-Lan, etc.
-I laugh more.
-I sigh more.
-My heart overflows with love more.

woah

2009-05-24T22:19:00.000-07:00

I'm going to have two children soon.

How crazy is that?!

Mary Cassat

2009-05-22T11:39:00.000-07:00

I went on google.com today and noticed the logo was fancied up for something. It is Mary Cassat's birthday. She was an American painter and to be honest I have never heard of her until today, but she might be one of my new favorites because of her beautiful pictures of mothers and their children. This one reminded me of myself and Olive. Tired mom. Curly haired baby girl. Snuggling...

One of those weeks

2009-05-22T07:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, we've been transitioning Olive to her big girl bed.

But it's been one of those weeks where this is much more important and actually, absolutely necessary.

fail

2009-05-21T21:28:00.001-07:00

I yelled at Olive yesterday. Just her name to get her to stop doing something, but still...

If I didn't think it would terrify her, I would have gone through and sobbed about it right then like I wanted to. But I didn't.

She forgave me though.

I was telling Danny how it was pretty much the worst I'd ever felt about anything in a really long time. Then I realized this is just life. Messing up. Needing forgiveness. Being imperfect. I'm fine to be all those things in every other role in my life, but it's a much harder pill to swallow when I'm those things to a baby who doesn't understand yet.

Our family is going to be one full of grace for each other...because otherwise I'm screwed.

what I want to say to a baby who doesn't get it

2009-05-19T20:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Olive,

I'm sorry for being a little "out of it" lately. I am all over the place emotionally because of being pregnant, your great Aunt Linda dying, and other things.

Your daddy is going to be the best teacher-by-example of loving somewhere where they're at (he's so good at that!), but you are still a baby and don't get all that yet.

I love you so much. Thanks for being so sweet and giving me kisses and cuddles in the bath.

Mommy

2009-05-18T14:00:00.001-07:00

I have tried to be indifferent when it comes to other people's kids, but no matter what, if I hear about a tiny baby crying by themselves I will ALWAYS be a little sad. :(

A Pleasant Surprise!

2009-05-11T18:07:00.000-07:00

Even though we got Olive's big girl bed set up weeks ago, I am just now starting to have her sleep in it. I am getting bigger and it's becoming more of a chore to stay comfortable, so I figured it's a good time to kick her out! :)

We are blessed to be in a house with a super big master bedroom, so her bed is actually in our room for now.

The first two nights she stayed in until 1-something.

The next two nights she stayed in until 5:30.

Last night she stayed in her bed all night!

I have heard it can be hard to transition a baby from a crib to a toddler bed, so I figured this whole process would be brutal because she is so used to rolling over into mommy or daddy's warmth. So far so good though! Something really positive is that when she has woken up, she just walks to our bed and gets in, no crying or fits. But hopefully she'll continue the streak of sleeping there all night.

Pushed

2009-05-07T21:38:00.000-07:00

I am reading a book called Pushed by Jennifer Block. The subtitle is "The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care". Obviously not a novel! :)

It is truly fascinating!!

You can read an excerpt on Amazon.com and that is what hooked me.

Mother's Day

2009-05-05T20:01:00.000-07:00

Danny is taking me out on a hot date on Saturday night for Mother's Day. I don't know where we are going. I'm super excited though.

I feel really special because he has planned this for me to celebrate me being the mother of his children.

A short soapbox post

2009-05-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

This article's title is "Software Makes Childbirth Safer" and is specifically about a program that is supposed to be able to accurately predict a woman's risk of shoulder dystocia (baby's shoulders getting stuck during pushing stage of labor). I don't know enough about shoulder dystocia to speak with any real authority, but I do know that a woman's pelvis widens in labor AND a baby rotates (given the opportunity...i.e. mom has freedom of movement during labor and pushing). So I really can't understand HOW in the world a computer program can predict possible shoulder dystocia on a woman who is 36 weeks pregnant, when so much can change as a woman's body goes through the labor process.

Between 1940 and 2005, the infant mortality rate in the United States of America has gotten considerably worse. If anything, in my opinion, the women in this country need less software and more empowerment to make informed decisions about their births.

Ok, that's all for now.

A little afterward though, in case anyone wonders where all this came from...

I have a growing passion for women to have positive birth experiences. I'm not talking about only natural, epidural-free births. I'm just talking about going into the process with eyes wide open and having what they want and not being pushed around. I realized recently one reason why this is important to me: because becoming a mom is a big huge freaking deal. And it'd be nice (ideal, actually) for women to be able to take all that in without having to process negative birth experiences at the same time.

I have a soft spot in my heart for new moms. It was such a hard time for me - those first few months. I want to do what I can to help that monumental transition in life to be as soft of a landing as possible. I actually feel a bit of a calling toward that end...but more on that later...

Pretty much my favorite pastime

2009-04-29T19:03:00.001-07:00

2009-04-28T20:10:00.000-07:00

I got my regular e-mail from Mothering with its abundance of uber crunchiness, and I found this article's statistics immensely interesting. I had no idea about these statistics. I am not making a statement for or against co-sleeping for other families, because that is not my place. I just found this fascinating.

Unintentional Infant Suffocations

Enjoying It

2009-04-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

One of the most common things you hear older women tell younger moms is to "enjoy every minute". I have decided that this is unfair.

It's not really possible to enjoy every minute of anything, most especially the roller coaster ride that is motherhood.

When one tells a sleep-deprived, scabby-nippled, hormone-filled new mom to "enjoy every minute", how in the world is that going to make her feel?

Probably a little guilty, because she is definitely not enjoying herself every minute!

There is no way to enjoy sore nipples. There is no way to enjoy cleaning up vomit at 2 am, as you try to keep from vomiting yourself, due to the smell. There is no way to enjoy changing your daughter's poopy diaper on the floor of a men's bathroom (did I mention I did that today?)

So I am trying to figure out a different way to tell a new mom that it DOES go by so fast, but without the expectation that she is supposed to enjoy every minute. Because in reality that is just not possible.

There are days I count down the minutes until bedtime. And there are days Olive stays up much later because we are having so much fun together as a family.

It's life.

I don't enjoy every minute of it. But I do try and LIVE every minute of it. Sometimes the living is amazing. And sometimes it stinks. But I try to be present and honest in whatever the reality is at the moment.

Enjoy what is enjoyable. Endure and learn from what is not so enjoyable. And don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe that will be my new mantra.

A funny story on Perspective

2009-04-16T19:46:00.000-07:00

The MOPS group I am a part of decided to do a video curriculum this year. It has been really great and has fostered a lot of good, honest discussion.

Today's subject was perspective. There were lots of offshoots from this single topic, and one of them reminded me of this story, which is very funny to me now.

When Olive was a newborn, I was essentially devastated by what it meant to have a new baby. I use the word devastated because I really don't think another word fits. It was just so much more physically and emotionally than I could have ever imagined.

Early on she took about 30-45 minutes to nurse, and wanted to eat every 2 hours or so. So I was pretty tired. We were living with my parents at the time and every night my mom would say "come get me if you need me" and would go to bed. So I would be sitting there nursing Olive, my mom would go to bed and as I watched her walk away from me this is what I thought:

I am going to be 50 before I get a full night's sleep again.

It was not just me being dramatic. I really and truly did think that there was no way I was going to sleep a normal night again until my kids were grown and out of the house.

It makes me smile to think of that now.

I know that when this baby comes, and I'm sitting up nursing for what seems like hours on end, I won't think that. I'll know that in the blink of an eye I'll be sleeping long, peaceful nights again. And I'll even forgo sleep to write blogs about being a mom. :)

Duh...

2009-04-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

This article just kind of shocks me.

That they even did a study to come to this conclusion is what is really surprising.

Should we be surprised that women who are able to labor in the way they are most comfortable actually progress faster than those strapped to a bed?

This just in...gravity works in your favor during labor!

Teething is for babies

2009-04-10T22:23:00.000-07:00

I eat my words a lot as a mom. Not because I am always trying to be right about anything in particular and end up being wrong (although of course that happens), but because things are always changing.

Olive has gotten some molars in the last few months that did not seem to cause her any problems whatsoever. Someone asked me the other day if she was teething and I just said that her teeth don't seem to bother her at all any more.

Well, she is teething something fierce the last 24 hours or so. She's had a fever and has been refusing to eat anything that is not super soft. It's been kind of brutal. Especially last night when she was so restless, and feverish, and wanted to just be practically on top of me the whole night. I guess it's the non-breastfeeding mother's equivalent to "nursing all night long" which I hear is normal during teething times, for the comfort.

Courtney is in town and she and Danny took care of Olive this morning so I could get some rest. What a blessing.

A new experience: vomit

2009-04-06T10:16:00.000-07:00

So Olive threw up for the first time last night. She spit up plenty of times as an infant, but throwing up and spitting up are not the same thing.

Danny and I went to bed a little before midnight. I was very restless and at 2 am Olive was sitting up and bed and I saw she had thrown up. I guess I was just in a stupor because I didn't think much of it. We cleaned it up and put a towel over the area to deal with in the morning. 20-30 minutes later she threw up again, this time all over me and herself. I won't describe it in too much detail, but the smell was positively rancid. So, Olive and I got in the bath together around 2:30 in the morning. Danny took to cleaning up the mess and changing the sheets. I didn't even have to ask him to do anything, he just got on it and did it. I would have not survived the night without him!!

We put down a blanket and towel over her spot in bed, in case it happened again because we only have 2 fitted sheets for our bed. She threw up again before going back to sleep. I caught it with my hands, on purpose, otherwise it would have gone on Danny's unprotected side of the bed.

She fell back asleep immediately. However, she woke up about 30 minutes later and was now just dry heaving. This happened until 6 am. She would wake up, dry heave (sometimes throw up mucusy stuff) and then go right back to sleep. She was so pale and pathetic. Needless to say, Danny and I did not sleep so well.

I am really thankful she was with us in the bed so I could sit her up when I heard her choking. I don't know if she would have known to sit up or roll over so that she didn't aspirate on her own vomit.

She woke up at 8:30, perky as ever.

In the Motherhood

2009-04-04T21:56:00.000-07:00

I don't recommend this new show at all. I am sure it is funny to some people, as it's based on real stories by real moms; but no moms I know who work outside the home are incompetent when it comes to taking care of their babies and would not think it was funny to be portrayed in that way.

Olive's New Bed

2009-04-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

It looks much bigger than it is. It is the width of a twin bed, and can stretch out to the length of a twin bed, but there are two shorter intervals that it can be set at. Right now it is set to be as small as possible.

The Score Yesterday

2009-04-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

Make-you-insane pregnancy hormones: 1
Casey and everyone around her: 0

I am thankful I don't take myself too seriously. It makes the insanity funny...only after the fact though.

To every woman out there

2009-03-31T20:27:00.000-07:00

If you are a woman out there who has ever complained about the smell and frequency of your man's gas, you ain't seen nothing until you live with Olive. Holy Moly.

When all else fails, put em in the car

2009-03-28T21:44:00.000-07:00

This is a follow-up to my sleep blog.

Me being pregnant has two drawbacks to our normal sleep routine: a bigger belly and a shorter fuse.

I would normally walk Olive to sleep. 4-5 minutes, she'd be out. Something about the motion and the warmth of my body I'm sure. The big belly is starting to get in the way though.

So I started just laying down with her. Much to my surprise, she would be out in 10 minutes or so. Not bad at all.

But some nights when she is more restless and my fuse is short after a long day, I have Danny take her for a ride in the car. :)

I get a few minutes of quiet, and the baby falls asleep listening to Sara Groves. Beautiful.

No self control

2009-03-26T20:35:00.000-07:00

Olive would take an hour and half nap, tops, if I let her have her way. But I don't. I force her to snuggle up with me and sleep longer. Why? Because right about when her sleep cycle ends, I am ready to go down for MY nap. :) So, she sleeps a lot longer, and I get a good nap in there too. This has only been since I got pregnant...right around the time she dropped to one nap a day. Like I planned that or something...

Today was a little out of control. She really woke up and I just totally ignored her and went back to sleep. Somehow she decided to go back to sleep and we have paid for it tonight. Oh well. My nap was worth it.

Hello Braxton Hicks

2009-03-25T21:23:00.001-07:00

Already feeling them. They start at 6 weeks, so it's not a big deal or abnormal. Contractions without a baby at the end of them are just annoying.

The Sleep Monster

2009-03-19T20:17:00.000-07:00

I am reluctant to write this without a long and drawn out disclaimer, but anyone who knows me knows that I am all for people doing what works in their families so long as no babies get hurt. So, here is what has worked for us.

Duration: Olive has always slept well, but she did not start sleeping through the night until around 14 months. Why? I guess the main reason would be that we did not force her to do so. I believe that she "woke up" (hardly ever really awake) for a reason and until she can communicate that reason to me, I wanted to meet her needs as best I could, even in the middle of the night. The great thing is that she did not do an off/on/off/on thing. She slept through one night and has not looked back. I still wake up to pee, of course.

Location, Part 1: She also still goes to sleep next to me or in my arms. Why? Because that is what feels natural to me and what I am inclined to do as her mother. I am not scared of spoiling her nor am I scared that she will be 12 years old and asking me to rock her to sleep. In my reading and research, it is totally normal to need help going to sleep at her age. She has already made so much progress in putting herself to sleep, even though to outsiders I'm sure it looks like I am helping her too much.

Location, Part 2: Olive sleeps in our bed. This happened solely based on my instincts as her mother. I had not made up my mind about where she would sleep until she was home with me. I am so thankful that I had heard of friends doing this and therefore felt some freedom to do it too. She has a big girl bed that she is going to start moving into. But she will be welcome to come back to ours as she needs, because it just seems like our job as parents does not end when the sun goes down (and I'd much rather do that job from my pillow, sleeping, than fighting to get a toddler back into their bed when I'm not personally convicted that is where they need to be)

Expectation: My personal opinion is that parents need to give themselves and their babies a break. How your baby sleeps and how long they sleep does not have anything to do with how good of a parent you are. Babies are very unique creatures whom I believe God has given the ability to tell us that they need if we will just listen, even when it comes to sleep.

I am also strongly inclined to encourage all new moms to throw all their friends' and grandmas' sleep advice out the window and do 2 things:
1. What feels the most natural. I was overwhelmed by the desire to just do what "felt" right, and was not at all worried how it would turn out. I figure that's how moms did it for thousands of years. They had to listen to their babies and themselves.
2. What gets everyone the most sleep. It just seems like a no-brainer to me. If I was (which I'm not) really worried about all these sleep things and how they'll turn out, I'd much rather work them out when I can communicate and be understood by my child why things might need to change, and hear their concerns as well. Meanwhile, I'm going to do what ensures we are all well rested.

I will add this endnote. I probably would have taken more precaution with Olive in the bed when she was younger after I had to stop breastfeeding, knowing now that exclusive breastfeeding is one key to safe bedsharing.

And, here are some things I've read and enjoyed along the way:

8 Infant Sleep Facts Every Parent Should Know
Is your baby sleeping through the night yet?

2009-03-19T18:11:00.001-07:00

Waking up from a nap

2009-03-17T22:41:00.001-07:00

Sometime soon, when I can figure out how to say it all, I'm going to write a post about sleep.

Mothering Mission Statement

2009-03-17T20:51:00.000-07:00

I haven't got it all figured out yet, but something that is very important to me is to parent in a way that does not make me feel spiritually, emotionally or physically conflicted.

More to come...

Rip my heart out

2009-03-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

Olive has a baby doll.

I can't take it.

She is growing up too fast.

There are just no words to describe what it does to me to see her with it. I looked back in the car today and Olive had milk on her face and so did the baby. She was trying to give the baby some of her milk. Seriously about to cry right now just writing this out.

Whose idea was it to let kids grow up anyway?

Big Sister and Little Sister

2009-03-11T20:29:00.001-07:00

My sister got me this book for my 25th birthday. I'm excited to have another girl so that there will be sisters in my family. I will pray every day that their relationship can grow to be special, meaningful, challenging and authentic. And that they will always take care of each other.

A memory

2009-03-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

I'll never forget the sound and inflection of his voice, even if I can't remember exactly what he said, when he told me he saw our baby's head when the nurse discovered I was 10 cm, and she was going to be here soon. He was so excited.

Birth is such a special thing. I am looking forward to doing it again.

When I die

2009-03-02T20:45:00.000-08:00

Such a morbid title.

I will expand on these eventually, but I wanted to make a list of what I want to be remembered for, by my children.

-Loving Jesus and having a relationship with Him that was real and messy and wonderful.
-Loving Danny passionately and letting myself be loved by him
-Being intentional
-Being safe
-Being humble
-Being generous
-Working hard and resting well
-Knowing them - truly knowing them
-Living out my passions
-Letting them grow up and learn life on their own when it was time
-Having fun
-Always growing
-Serving people
-Being free
-Laughing at myself

Goodness

2009-03-01T19:07:00.000-08:00

A few years ago my friend Leigh gave me a CD called Sing Over Me. It was marketed as a CD for moms and babies, a lullaby CD of sorts. If you are a girl and you like to sing, I highly recommend this CD because it's all females singing beautiful worship songs and it's great to sing along to.

There are some originals on there though. One of my favorites is "You are Good" by Nichole Nordeman. Here is an excerpt from the song:

When the sun starts to rise and I open my eyes
You are good, so good
In the heat of the day with each stone that I lay
You are good, so good

With every breath I take in
I'll tell You I'm grateful again
When the moon rises high before each kiss goodnight
You are good
...
When it's dark and it's cold and I can't feel my soul
You are still good
When the world has gone gray and the rain's here to stay
You are still good

With every breath I take in
I'll tell you I'm grateful again
And the storm may swell even then it is well
And You are good

Ok, why am I putting this on my mom blog?

Because it has struck me in the last few years how much I want to teach this lesson to my children. That God is good. So often we hear that phrase "God is good" after someone says something favorable that happened to them. I got a promotion. My mom no longer has cancer. My friend finally was able to get pregnant.

But what do we say when we lose our jobs, when our moms die of cancer and our friends struggle through years of infertility?

God is good.

It is such a simple phrase. But it's an intensely difficult lesson. Because the essence of whether or not we believe that God is always good really centers on whether or not we believe God is who He says He is, and whether or not He is going to do what He says He will do. And all that really boils down to whether or not we know God at all...who He really is...

I did one of those "25 Random Things About Me" on Facebook recently. One of mine said "I don’t want to raise my kids to believe the Bible says things that it most definitely does not say." I see people turn from God not because God changed the rules of the game per se, but because they had been taught lies about who He is and lies about what it means to follow Him.

I don't want this for my kids. As much as I can muster and with all the gaps filled in by grace, I want to teach my kids Truth. That God is good. Period. It doesn't mean life doesn't suck and isn't hard as hell sometimes, but it means that this whole thing is actually not about us. It's about Him. He doesn't change. The same God who heals some people's moms of cancer lets other people's moms die of it. I don't know why and I doubt He is going to tell me or you or my kids. But He is good. He is confusing and sometimes His ways are maddening. But He is good.

“Aslan a man? Certainly not. I tell you he is the King of the wood and the son of the great Emperor-Beyond-the-Sea. Don’t you know who is the King of Beasts? Aslan is a lion—the Lion, the great Lion.”“Ooh!” said Susan. “I’d thought he was a man. Is he—quite safe? I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion.”“That you will, dearie, and no mistake,” said Mrs. Beaver, “if there’s anyone who can appear before Aslan without their knees knocking, they’re either braver than most or else just silly.”“Then he isn’t safe?” said Lucy.“Safe?” said Mr. Beaver. “Don’t you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about being safe? ’Course he isn’t safe. But he’s good. He’s the King, I tell you.

Such tough lessons for a child. And by child, I mean myself. And maybe it's not one that can be "taught" but rather must be experienced and lived.

²² Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
²³ They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
²⁴ I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
²⁵ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
Lamentations 3

Chatty Cathy

2009-02-25T10:47:00.000-08:00

Olive is starting to say more and more words. I'm happy about this. The most common are mama or mom, dad, bath, bubble, eyes, dog, book, ball, bye-bye, and her all time favorite "hi!". (exclamation is always included!)

She will repeat many other words than those as I say them to her, but she always uses those in context. I am trying to read to her at least once a day, because I know that helps their vocabulary development. I am bad about narrating my every moment for her though so that she is constantly hearing language. She does understand a LOT though. It's amazing how I can ask her to go get me something or if she wants to do something, and she responds.

I am not sure if it is related to the verbal talking, but her sign language skills seemed to have gone down the drain lately. She does "more" for everything for some reason. I really don't know why, but I'm not worried. I think I'd be more worried if she was not saying any words at 15 months.

I'm not sure if she is going to be super talkative though. We'll see!

my favorite part

2009-02-22T20:11:00.000-08:00

baby kicks.

light and feathery right now.

soon to be all up in my ribs or bouncing on my bladder, driving me crazy.

but I'll love it all the way to the end, no matter how uncomfortable I am.

Waking Up

2009-02-19T19:22:00.001-08:00

I love waking up to Olive saying "Hi!"

KISS KISS

2009-02-14T21:13:00.000-08:00

Olive gave me the best kiss today. I was laying in bed (ours is on the floor right now, so with the box springs I'm right at her level). She came up to me and I kissed her. She went to turn away and then turned around and puckered her lips for another kiss. She has never done that before. It was amazing! Baby kisses are so fun.

Delighted by DAD

2009-02-11T08:19:00.000-08:00

I always knew Danny would be a great dad. I would see him with toddlers and kids and he was always great with them.

But seeing your husband with children and seeing your husband with YOUR children, that you made, well, those are two totally different things.

This is the truth: I am struck nearly every day by what a great dad Danny is to Olive.

I'm not sure how to write about this eloquently though. Because it is one of those things where my heart overflows and if I try to be eloquent nothing will make sense because there is so much. So here are my thoughts in no particular order.

-While I was unsure about co-sleeping before Olive was born, it was Danny who always insisted that she would sleep with us. I am thankful for this because once she was out and home I knew where I wanted her, and it didn't take any convincing on my end! We now argue over who gets to cuddle with her. (She got a big girl bed this weekend...I think we'll miss her more than she will miss us!)
-It took a while for me to be ready to leave Olive. But that NEVER had anything to do with my trust and confidence that Danny could take care of her, and not just that, that he would provide her with the attention and nurturing that she needed in my absence. It is a great feeling to know that she is totally and completely fine with him when I'm not there.
-Danny had never changed a diaper before Olive. He has always taken his fair share of diaper duty. And he very very rarely complains about the poopy ones. Olive actually is better behaved while Danny changes her diaper than when I do it.
-The first time Danny went out of town when Olive was at an age to be interacting with us, I realized that I am Olive's comfort and that Danny is her delight. She was so happy when he got home; happier than she had been the whole time he was gone. This is still true. She can't get enough of him.
-Danny is not just my mouthpiece when it comes to decisions about Olive. I don't make the choices and he just follows my lead, he is equally interested in all decisions related to her well being and will defend them to anyone. This is one of my favorite things.

I guess I could probably go on and on with stories and reasons why Danny is such a great dad. This post is not about me, bragging that I have the best husband who is the best dad. It's about me being so grateful that I can do this parenting craziness with someone who is involved, supportive, loving and engaged. It makes the whole "you are responsible for another human" thing a lot easier to manage.

Hello 2nd Trimester

2009-02-03T21:46:00.001-08:00

All of the sudden I am 14 weeks pregnant. The first trimester flew by for me.

Being pregnant the 2nd time around is so much different. At least it has been for me. I don't know exactly what baby part is becoming fully formed this week. I don't worry with every twinge in my abdomen. I am not wondering how the baby is going to come out, logistically speaking. Up until a couple weeks ago, I frequently had to remind myself I am pregnant.

I'm starting to pop out a bit, but it doesn't have that adorable round pregnant belly shape. It's more of the "is she putting on a few?" shape. I don't mind so much though. Within a couple weeks there will be no doubt that I am carrying a baby and not just a few extra donuts.

I just looked at the clock. I know myself. It will be around week 3 of the new baby being here and I will think back on nights like tonight and get SO mad for not sleeping when I had the chance.

Night night.

one great thing about being pregnant

2009-02-02T11:36:00.001-08:00

You are always being productive. Even when you're "doing" nothing.

Making a human is so great.

Some of my favorite pictures of Olive and Me to date

2009-02-01T19:34:00.000-08:00

Within seconds of her being out I said "I need her!" I love the expression on my face

I love this because it's real. The dark circles under my eyes say it all.

The only picture I have of me nursing Olive, even though you can't tell that is what I'm doing. We took it because she always crossed her legs, like a lady.

Just after a bath. She looks exactly like Danny as a baby in his picture.

At St. Augustine

Waking up together.

Enjoying a beautiful Spring day.

Pulling my hair. I was taking this set of pictures myself.

I tickled her into smiling for this picture at Disney.

I love having her on my lap. She won't fit comfortably there forever.

Of course there are many more pictures I love...

The many jobs of an infant

2009-01-30T10:46:00.000-08:00

Babies are so intriguing. One great thing about them is that they are always changing and doing new and fun things.

I was thinking today of how much Olive's activity has changed in almost 15 months, and I'd like to summarize it, with job titles.

0-2 months: Ceiling, Light and Fan Inspector
For some reason babies are fascinated with the ceiling and anything up there. Sometimes their eyes gloss over and they act like they are looking at Jesus up in Heaven, and sometimes they get a real look of concentration like they counting the rotations the fan makes.

3-5 months: Steamroller
When Olive started learning to roll, it was like her life was complete. When you are not mobile and then all of the sudden you can move from one place to another by rollling, I guess it is pretty life changing. She was so committed to this job that she would practice in her sleep. Back and forth, back and forth. All. Night. Long.

6-8 months: Vacuum Cleaner
What is even more fun than rolling and crawling? Finding each and every speck on the floor and consuming it. I can't tell you how grateful I am that God did not put the germaphobe gene inside me. Because you just can't catch everything, right? Her favorite and most remarkable find were always the clear plastic things that connect price tags to clothing.

9-10 months: Conspirator
Before Olive learned to walk she was, in hindsight, devising her plan for household domination. Mobile enough to explore enough to know how to take full control when her little legs were ready.

11-13 months: Sacajawea impersonator
Apparently God has given toddlers some sort of innate desire to go into kitchen cabinets, take everything out, and walk away. Everything is interesting to a toddler. But only for about 2 minutes, because we must move on to the next thing, document its use, try it, and continue our exploration. There is a whole house full of items to inspect, you know.

14 Months - Present: Mom impersonator
I am completely in awe (and a tiny bit freaked out) how quickly Olive is catching on to things. She can and will copy me putting on my makeup, washing my hair, putting on lotion, etc. Of course she does not copy me cleaning up, sweeping or folding laundry, at least not in the way that I would prefer. Her version of sweeping is moving the dirt pile around with her toes; and her version of laundry is taking everything that is clean OUT of their piles.

I can't wait to see what else will be added to this list through the coming months and years. :)

eh, why not

2009-01-29T20:11:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking lately that I'd like to have a place where I can write solely about mom-related things. Things that are interesting to me because I'm a mom. Thoughts I'm having related to being a mom. And of course, fun stories related to my child and eventual children.

So, here is my first thought for this blog.

Of all the Olives I get to see throughout the day, I think one of my favorites is sleepy Olive. I like when I hear her stirring in the monitor and I go in and she is sitting up half awake on the bed, totally in a daze. It is precious to me. I give her the soothie, she lays back down and goes back to sleep. But I just love that sweet vulnerability so much.

Just waking up from a nap Olive is wonderful as well. All smiles and conversation.